MIT Researchers Found: Babies Tried Harder After Watching a Grown Up Miss and Keep Going. But This Book Where Mistakes Fade Gets Kids to Try Again.

My five year old stepdaughter, Josie, made one wrong J on Tuesday night. Then she flipped the paper face down, slid it across the table to me, and walked out of the kitchen.

One letter. That's all it takes.

I've coached high school basketball for fourteen years. I've watched seventeen year olds miss the last shot of their season and come back the next fall. But a five year old and a crooked J? I had no playbook for that.

If you've got a little one who quits the second a letter goes wrong, this is for you. Parents, grandparents, stepparents, all of us.

I didn't notice it at first. Then one Saturday I went in to put her clean socks away.

Her little desk. The preschool folder on the floor. The art pile by the bed. Every paper with writing on it was turned face down. Every one.

Her drawings? Face up, proud, all over the wall. But anything with a letter she'd tried? Flipped over so nobody could see it.

I sat on her bed for a while. She's five, and she's already hiding her misses.

Her mom and I tried everything we could think of.

The night I knew we had to do something different, I asked her to write her name on the banner we were making for her mom's birthday. She looked at the pen. Then she said, very quietly, "I'm not a writing girl."

Five years old.

My players watch me. That's half of coaching. If I quit on a drill, they quit on a drill.

So I wondered if there was anything on that for little kids. There was. MIT researchers ran an experiment with 262 babies, around 15 months old[1]. Some babies watched a grown up struggle with a toy for about 30 seconds before she got it to work. Others watched her do it easily.

Then each baby got a music toy with a big button that didn't actually turn it on. The babies who had watched the grown up struggle and keep going pushed that button more times before they gave up.

I read that twice. Every time Josie watched us write, she saw grown ups get it right on the first try. She'd never once seen one of us miss and go again.

Here's the other thing I figured out, sitting on her bed.

In basketball, you miss, the ball bounces off, and it's gone. Next shot. Nobody hangs your miss on the wall.

On paper, the miss stays. That crooked J sits right there, in pencil, for the rest of the night. Every time she looks down, there it is. Of course she flips it over.

And on a flat sheet, nothing keeps the pencil on the line. Her hand wobbles, the pencil slides off, and she gets a crooked letter. So she's set up to miss, and the miss is set up to stay.

So I went looking the way I look for a new drill. I typed in "writing practice where mistakes disappear" and scrolled past a lot of whiteboards.

Then I found a little book where the letters are pressed into the paper, and the pen's ink fades on its own. The Magic Copybook Practice Set from Bright Bloomer.

The pen tip drops into the groove and follows the letter. If her hand wobbles, the groove helps keep the pen on track. Like lane lines on a court.

And the ink fades in about half an hour. The page comes back clean. A miss doesn't stay on the board.

The first night, I didn't hand it to Josie. I sat down and did a page myself. With my left hand.

I'm terrible with my left hand. Even with the groove, my pen jumped out on the curve, and my J looked like a fish hook somebody stepped on. I said, out loud, "Ugh. Missed that one. Again." And I did it again. Still bad. "One more."

She came over to watch. She laughed at my J. Then she said, "Let me try."

Her J wobbled too. She looked at me. I shrugged and said, "Ink's gonna fade anyway. Shoot again." And she did.

By morning the page was clean, and she wanted a rematch. She calls it "the do over book" now.

Her mom asked what you're asking. School paper is flat. What then?

Here's the drill we run. No schedule, just steps.

First, the groove only. Then a plain sheet next to the book: a J in the groove, then a J on the sheet. Later, the sheet first, and back to the groove when she gets stuck. If the one on the sheet is crooked, I say "shoot again" and she does.

The listing talks about a better grip, more control and focus. In my gym, I believe what I see a kid do, not what anyone says they can do.

So I watched. Josie does the J page without me sitting there. When a letter goes wrong in the book, she says "shoot again" before I can.

And last week, two papers on her desk were face up. Not all of them. Two.

My mom, Nana to Josie, is 66. She was the "let me just do it for you" type. Love her.

I told her about the babies study and the left hand trick. Now when Josie's at her house, Nana does her own page right beside her, misses and all. Nana's letters are better than mine, but she still says "Oops, again" on purpose.

Grandparents, you might be the best person in the family for this. Josie watches Nana closer than anybody.

Josie splits her week between our house and her dad's. So the book has to be where she is.

The Magic Copybook Practice Set is $37.99 for four books, the pen and the refills. Buy 2, save 20%. Buy 3, save 30%. We got two. One for each house, so the do over book never gets left behind.

Don't argue with it. Don't tell them it looks great.

Sit down next to them. Do a page yourself. Miss one. Say "again" out loud, and do it again.

Then hand them the pen.

P.S. She made a sign for my office at school: GO COACH. The O came out crooked, so she did it twice to get it how she wanted. It's taped to my door. Face out.

P.P.S. Four books, the pen, five refills and the dolphin grip. Easy returns.